Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Peter Pan Envy

I just had one of those really surreal moments where you almost feel like you're high. Like when you really think about your name, and you say it over and over until it loses all of its meaning, and then your whole sense of identity shifts because your name is meaningless. Please, someone tell me you know what I'm talking about.

Well, I just had one of those moments, and it was brought on by one of the most mundane things. I was putting away a bunch of spices I had left out on the counter last night. I made this soup, and it was a-maz-ing. So, I was putting away the cumin and paprika when all of a sudden I stopped and thought, "This can't be my spice rack. There are way too many spices in here. This looks like my mom's cupboard." And, then it dawned on me - I'm a grown up. I make meals on a regular basis. I go grocery shopping and pay all my own bills. I bought these spices with my own money. And, holy crap, I even know what kinds of recipes cream of tartar and cumin are used in.

I'm not sure why this is significant. And, maybe I'm just writing about it because I have to write something, but these little oh-crap-I'm-a-grown-up moments have been happening a lot lately. And, when they do, I get all weirded out and start to really think about why I am where I am. All those years I blamed not getting married on Mikael, but maybe I didn't want to get married either... or, I could be making big money if I'd stuck with that marketing department in L.A., but apparently I'd rather suffer through reading esoteric rhetorical theory and writing research proposals than actually commit to a commute and a 401K.

Hmmm . . .

1 comment:

Thoughts from the Area Man said...

i do that name thing all the time. it freaks me out a little bit sometimes.