Thursday, June 13, 2013

. . . where was I?

I have been meaning to revisit this space for a while. A lot has happened. And I do mean a lot. So, here are my two (main) excuses/reasons for not making good on my promise to write more often: 

1. My blogging spirit took a hit - After writing the post about my parents' move, I started writing more often. Not here, but my intention was to post some of my thoughts and experiences to this space after letting them simmer a bit. However, I never could pull the trigger because someone who read that post decided to email me and point out a grammatical error I had made. I had tried to share this post with only those I knew would embrace the rawness and imperfectness of it and would appreciate it for what it was, a therapeutic post. Now, I know that was a bit unrealistic being that it. was. on. the. Internet, but I tried. The email was condescending and annoying, and I know it was done mainly because this person has a bit of an inferiority complex, and, well, guess who's about to have a Ph.D... in English no less.

But, here's the thing about blogging, and part of the reason I can't seem to completely let go and delete and give up trying (even if I do only post once a year), blogging, at least the blogging circles I've been a part of over the past seven years, is unpolished and honest. Through blogging, I got to know someone I actually now consider one of my best friends, and I've met people who have moved me with their honesty, and I've enjoyed watching their lives unfold in their own words, even if they aren't perfect. Anyway, I could go on about the power of the vernacular and get all grad schooly about it, but there you have it. My audience sought to filter me, to make me self conscious and guarded, and it made me stop and pause just long enough to keep me from opening up again. (Also, I should note, no one's writing is perfect, and if it is, it's probably not very interesting. I'm not that kind of English teacher, and I hate English teachers who function as grammar police instead of inspiring authenticity, story telling, and thoughtfulness in their students).

2. I had this: 

It was pretty much a year ago exactly that she got started... if you know what I mean. Pregnancy kicked my ass, and while I was in the throes of morning sickness (or afternoon sickness for me) I had to take my comprehensive exams. It was an overwhelmingly crazy time, but I passed, and made it through a school year being pregnant and swollen, and now, well, now my time my life isn't really my own anymore.

However, on the flip-side of feeling a bit overwhelmed is my desire to document this time somehow. I've been jotting little notes on a calendar and writing a few lines here and there about this new experience, when I can find the time, but posting some of it here might help me be a bit more consistent. Not only that, but I've realized lately that I need a creative outlet. Coming up with creative lesson plans isn't gonna cut it. But, I promise, this will not become a mommy blog. Gross.

So, let's see what happens. . . I'm not making any promises of posting regularity or incredible content, but I do promise it will be me.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I mean, I would read YOUR mommy blog.